


Introducing Earth's Texting System

by mightymax



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Bad Puns, Chatting & Messaging, Cuban Lance (Voltron), Family Bonding, Fluff, Galra Keith (Voltron), Humor, Hunk (Voltron) is a Good Friend, Jokes, Maybe - Freeform, Memes, Multi, Pidge | Katie Holt is Savage, Pining Allura (Voltron), Please Don't Hate Me, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Socially Awkward Keith (Voltron), Sorry Not Sorry, Space Dad Shiro (Voltron), Space Uncle Coran (Voltron), Team as Family, Texting, because savage pidge, chat fic, ft.lotors hair, i honestly dont know how this will turn out, is best pidge, oh well, sassy lotor, sponsored by olay, usage of memes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-15
Updated: 2018-04-17
Packaged: 2019-04-23 02:03:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14322111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mightymax/pseuds/mightymax
Summary: Pidge installs a texting system in everyone's bayards. Hunk is trying to remain innocent, Shiro's trying to keep everyone innocent, Keith comes back, Lance is Lance, Lotor's a sassy little shit, Allura's pining, and Coran is just confused.





	1. Chapter 1

[Pidge has added Shiro, Hunk, Lance, and 5 others to {Team Voltron}]

Allura: so how exactly does this work pidge?

Pidge: well basically this how ppl on earth communicate

Coran: what type of species is a 'ppl'?

Shiro: she meant 'people', coran

Hunk: its called an abbreviation

Coran: oh

Lance: sorry to interrupt ur lil convo

Lance: but i cant help but notice that it says '4 others' have been added

Pidge: and?

Lotor: there are 8 of us altogether

Matt: whos the ninth?

Pidge: hold up a sec lemme summon him

Pidge: COWBOY WISDOM:

Keith: DON'T SQUAT WITH UR SPURS ON

Lance: WTF KEITH WHAT R U DOING HERE

Pidge: i added him

Shiro: he means why did u add him

Shiro: not that im complaining

Shiro: hows it going keith

Keith: pretty good id say

Lance: DONT FUCKING IGNORE ME

Hunk: HEY WATCH UR LANGUAGE THERE ARE KIDS HERE

Pidge: i dont see no fucking kids

Matt: G A S P

Shiro: LANCE

Allura: i dont understand

Allura: what language must she watch?

Matt: 'fuck' is a bad word on earth

Coran: how bad

Matt: as bad as 'ruggle'

Allura: G A S P

Lotor: but green is only 15 yrs old!

Pidge: stop calling me by my lions color im PIDGE

Lotor: NOT EVEN 15 CENTURIES OLD

Hunk: the blade of marmora treating u well, keith

Keith: yeah its pretty cool

Keith: i like going on stealth missions and using my knife

Matt: we all know how much keith loves is knives

Lance: BETRAYER

Lance: LEAVE NOW

Lance: go play w ur mamora buddies or smth >:(

Shiro: lance what seems to be the problem here

Hunk: this is just his way of showing how much he misses keith

Lance: THATS NOT TRUHEJWLUF

Coran: if i recall our conversation from earlier

Coran: keith is coming back tomorrow is he not?

Lance: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAT

Lance: WHAT CONVERSATION

Pidge: jesus is ur caps lock stuck lance i can literally hear u screaming 

Lotor: i actually can

Lotor: we are in the same room

Shiro: we were all at the bridge when we were talking about it

Hunk: i dont think i saw u there when we were lance

Hunk: where were u

Matt: he was taking a nap w his face mask on

Lance: THIS SKIN ISNT FLAWLESS ON ITS OWN U KNOW

Keith: i think it is

Lotor: well i dont need a face mask

Shiro: lotor dont

Lotor: because my skin AND hair r beyond perfection

Hunk: SASSSSSSSSS

Matt: MY GOD LOTOR U SASS QUEEN

Lance: NOT EVRYONE IS ALL-NATURAL 

Keith: is his name really lotor

Shiro: or is it LOTION

Shiro: ha see what i can do when lance isnt paying attention

Shiro: i can make jokes

Coran: good job shiro

Matt: thumbs up gold star

Shiro: ^-^

Allura: must be nice having straight flowy hair 

Pidge: i like ur hair allura

Pidge: its like a fluffy cloud

Pidge: i had a cat that was really fluffy and ur hair reminds me of her

Allura: >\\\\\<

Allura: thank u

Coran: i like cats

Keith: hey lance r u ok now

Lance: yes mullethead i think the shock has subsided

Lotor: hes just trembling slightly

Lance: LOTIoN sTOP NaRRATINg MY EVerY MOVeMEnT

Lance: anyways ill be sure to prepare smth just for u smolbean

[Lance changed {Keith} to {smolbean}]

smolbean: IM NOT EVEN THAT SHORT

Pidge: hush 

Hunk: no need to deny it

Shiro: guys hes actually not

Matt: HUSH

Coran: you spelled small wrong

Lotor: its another earth thing

Lotor: smol bean means small and cute, someone who should be protected and loved by all

Allura: well then

Allura: i think we all know who the true smol bean is

[Allura changed {Pidge} to {thetruesmolbean}]

Lance: HEY KEITH IS THE TRUE SMOLBEAN WOMAN WHO DO U THINK U R

thetruesmolbean: hes right

thetruesmolbean: keith needs to be protected more than me seeing as hes socially insecure

smolbean: ow

thetruesmolbean: he also needs love since he never got any when he was young and as we all know love helps us to grow which explains a lot

smolbean: OWWW

Hunk: but ur short

thetruesmolbean: women need less love because they r independent strong and can take care of themselves

Allura: WOOOOOOO

Lotor: PREACH

Shiro: lotor ur a man

Lotor: i respect women u disgusting prick

Matt: id like to introduce my sister the savage smolbean

[smolbean changed {thetruesmolbean} to {savagesmolbean}]

savagesmolbean: thank u fellow smolbean

Coran: im very confused 

Coran: which one is pidge and which one is keith

Shiro: guys coran is literally tearing his mustache out pls change ur names or at least dont make them similar

Hunk: NOT THE MUSTACHE

Lance: B-BUT THATS ONE OF HIS MOST ENDEARING TRAITS o_0

savagesmolbean: whoa whoa ok coran

smolbean: lets not do anything rash

[savagesmolbean changed {savagesmolbean} to {Pidge}]

[smolbean changed {smolbean} to {Keith}]

Lance: aw my smolbean is gone

Allura: MY smolbean is gone

Keith: i belong to no one

Keith: at least not rn ;)

Matt: OOOOOOOOOF

Pidge: i like how keith gets all flirty on the chat

Pidge: and when he actually has to have a face to face convo hes all AGGHGWHGHAHJ

Lotor: true

Keith: i feel attacked

Hunk: i have to go check my cookies bye everyone

Keith: bye big man

Lance: and i have to go finish level 34 in candy crush

Shiro: that game

Shiro: is the devil

Shiro: dont submit to it

Coran: THERES A DEVIL IN LANCES GAME?!

Matt: shiro am i sensing a back story here or

Shiro: i spent years playing that game

Shiro: till i realized its all a lie

Shiro: a way to detach me from reality

Shiro: to destroy me from the inside

Pidge: its candy crush

Keith: or is it really some kind of government spy trying to do something with our minds

Pidge: guys

Pidge: its candy crush

Coran: WHY ARE U ALL SO CALM

Coran: THE DEVIL RESIDES IN LANCES ELECTRONIC DOOHICKEY

Coran: WE MUST DESTROY ITTTTTTTT

Allura: coran i think shiro just meant that the game is awful

Coran: oh

Coran: WELL THEN WHY THE RUGGLE DIDNT SOMEONE JUST SAY THAT

Lotor: language

Matt: thats it 

Matt: from now on evrytime someone says a bad word in front of my lil sis whether its english or not

Matt: they will have walk around in their undies for the rest of the day

Keith: dang it

Matt: UR STANDING ON FUCKING THIN ICE YOUNG MAN

Shiro: .......

Allura: .......

Coran: .......

Pidge: .......

Lotor: .......

Keith: .......

Matt: .......

Matt: damn it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THERES NO KURON OK THIS IS A HAPPY SPACE FAMILY FIC AND I WILL NOT LET NO EVIL LANCE-TERRORIZING CLONE IN MY FIC


	2. Chapter 2

[Pidge, Hunk and 2 others have entered Team Voltron]

Lance: KEITH

Pidge: here galra galra

Hunk: keith where r u

Lance: honestly where tf did that mullethead go

[Allura, Shiro and 2 others have entered Team Voltron]

Allura: what seems to be the problem paladins?

Lance: we cant find keef

Lance: keith*

Lotor: lol keef

Matt: thats his nickname now

Shiro: did somebody upset him somehow?

Hunk: we didnt know it would upset him

Pidge: but cmon who does that

Matt: does what

Lotor: im sure allura can find him

Lotor: this is HER castle 

Allura: im sure Lotor can pick up after himself

Allura: its HIS trash after all

Lotor: even my trash is gorgeous

Lance: u R trash

Hunk: guys

Pidge: i would like to find keef before the day ends

Allura: ill go access the castle cameras

Lotor: thats literally what i said

Shiro: good thinking

Shiro: ill go see if hes at the pool

Matt: liar

Matt: u were complaining about the heat all day

Shiro: yes i was

Shiro: so i am going to go look for him by the pool

Shiro: and if he isnt there

Shiro: i will get my swimming trunks

Shiro: get my flippers

Shiro: my pool noodle

Shiro: and my cocktail

Shiro: i will proceed to sit in the pool

Shiro: and i will stay in the pool

Pidge: thank u for giving us the details of ur little pool party shiro it really helped 

Shiro: ur welcome

Lance: KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEF

Hunk: COME BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACKKKKKKK!!!!

Matt: hes always lurking around smewhere

Matt: maybe u left him in ur bed lance

Lance: i already checked there!

Matt: what

Lance: what

Lotor: perhaps hes in the kitchen

Pidge: keith cant cook

Lotor: yeah but...

Lotor: i mean...

Lotor: knives

Hunk: WHY DIDNT I THINK OF THAT

Hunk: imma go check there rn

Allura: im back 

Lance: did u find keef?

Allura: dining hall under the table

Lance: PIDGE LES GO

Pidge: WE HAVE AN EMO COWBOY TO FIND

Keith: no wait

Lance: KEEF THERE U ARE

Lance: we need to talk

Keith: no

Pidge: just listen to us pls

Keith: no... go away

Lance: dude

Lance: we really need to talk about this

Matt: talk about WHAT

Lotor: the suspense

Allura: wtf can someone please ask shiro never to wear the tie-dyed trunks ever again?

Allura: my eyes are literally burning

Allura: why did i have to witness this

Allura: i broke a camera and its all shiros fault

Keith: im warning you

Keith: stay back

Hunk: man u can't keep putting ice cubes in ur apple juice its so weird

Keith: DONT COME ANY CLOSER

[Coran has entered Team Voltron]

Coran: can someone please explain why keith is chasing hunk with a knife

Matt: its really stupid coran dont even bother

Pidge: i put ice cubes in my milk

Lance: what the actual fuck

Pidge: fight me tailor

Lance: but

Pidge: FIGHT ME TAYLOR

Lance: the old taylor cant come to the phone right now

Matt: pls dont

Lance: cause shes DEAD

Lotor: i know taylor swift

Pidge: what how when 

Lotor: lance showed me a video the other day

Matt: i dont even care

Lotor: nobody here

Lotor: cares about me

Lotor: im pretty sure 90% of my familiars hate me

Allura: me

Lotor: what no i wrote the text so its me

Allura: you dumb bitch i meant im your familiar and i hate you

Allura: this is why we hate you

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i put ice cubes in my apple juice too keith there is nothing to be ashamed of  
> and yes this is based on 2 voltron text posts i found those things make my day


End file.
